In Soviet Russia, Mustard Spreads You

(My mother, sister, and I going through the drive-thru at one of our local donut/coffee shops. At this particular location, they’ve just hired new employees who happen to be Russian. I’m the driver in this situation and my mother is in the passenger’s seat.)

Employee: *in thick accent* “Hi, welcome to [Donut Shop]. How can I help you?”

Mom: “Hi, can I get three [drinks] and a [sandwich] with no mustard.”

Employee: “We don’t have lobster.”

Mom: “No, I said no mustard.”

Employee: “This is [Donut Shop]. We don’t have lobster.”

My Family: *awkward silence*

Me: “MUSTARD.”

Employee: “Okay… please pull up.”

(When we got to the order window, we had to repeat our order two more times! But we laughed about it for a long time after!)