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In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You, Part 3

, , , , , , , , , | Right | August 21, 2023

A customer is demanding a refund on an item. I am new to the store (and retail) and I am struggling, as this is my first ever problem customer.

Me: “Sir, as I have explained, we cannot process this return. The item was purchased three months ago, and our return period is thirty days, and this item is not in a resellable state. The best I can do is a store credit.”

Customer: “No. You will give me a refund if you want me to leave here a happy customer that will come back to the store.”

Suddenly, a loud and booming Russian accent can be heard from behind the customer. I can see that it’s coming from my coworker.

Coworker: “What if we not want you come back? What if want you stay away forever, yes?”

The customer turns to see a short but wide, muscled man in an apron from the deli section of the store. He is covered in meat and bloodstains.

Customer: “Well… I… think… maybe I’ll take a store credit.”

Coworker: “Store credit was before, but you say no. This is now, and we say no. You leave and not come back, yes?”

Customer: “Well… maybe… I… uh… just…”

Amazingly, the customer deflates and leaves, and I am staring at my coworker in awe.

Me: “Hi! I’m [My Name], and I just started yesterday. That was amazing! Where in Russia are you from?”

Coworker: *Dropping the accent entirely* “Oh, I’m not Russian. I’m from Arkansas. Working in retail as long as I have, I just learned that customers don’t know how to fight against that accent.”

In the last twenty years of retail, I have never seen a customer fold like that incident. This was also long before the “Boris” story on this site, so I don’t know who discovered it first, but the accent works! 

In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You, Part 2
In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You

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