In Grave Danger

(I am passing another department’s office at lunchtime when I notice my coworker working at her desk, as she has been for the last six hours. She is boss of a department of two, meaning that she and her assistant have to go on alternate lunches so one of them is always present.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], have you had lunch yet?”

Coworker: “…Nope.”

Me: “Where’s [Assistant]?”

Coworker: *checks the clock* “Thirty minutes late. She went out with [other department].”

Me: “You’ve been here since 7:30, right? It’s now 13:30. Shouldn’t you text her to get her to find out where she is?”

Coworker: *serene smile* “Nope, I think I’ll let her take her time.”

Me: “…Why?”

Coworker: “Because after lunch I’m giving her a performance review, which she’s known about all week. I love it when they dig their own graves.”

(I never found out what happened in the review, but that afternoon, [Assistant]’s eyes were red.)