In Feigned English
My boyfriend and I stop at a pancake place while I am on vacation with him in Florida. He is American and I’m English. Our waitress seats us and took my boyfriend’s order with no problems. However, she looks confused when I ask for iced tea and blueberry pancakes.)
Waitress: “What did you say?”
Me: “Iced tea please, unsweetened, and some blueberry pancakes.”
Waitress: “What?”
Me: “Iced tea. Blueberry Pancakes. Please.”
(The waitress continues to stare at me, looking totally confused. She then turns to my boyfriend.)
Waitress: *to my boyfriend* “It’s such a shame that she can’t speak English. Where is she from?”
Boyfriend: “She’s from England.”
Waitress: “What language do they speak there?”
Boyfriend: “English.”
Waitress: “But not like our English.”
Boyfriend: “Our English?”
Waitress: “Yeah, our American English.”
Boyfriend: “It’s essentially the same language. American English is still English.”
Waitress: “But not what we speak. We speak different English, not English English!”
(She then turns to me and talks to me REALLY LOUDLY, as if I’m about 3 years old.)
Waitress: “I GET YOU PANCAKES TO EAT. AND TEA TO DRINK. OKAY HONEY? PANCAKES AND TEA!”
(Giving up, I try speaking with an American accent.)
Me: *in an American accent* “Sounds good, but make the tea unsweetened, please.”
Waitress: “No problem. I’ll get it for you now!” *walks off*
Boyfriend and I: *stunned*
Facebook
Reddit
