In America, We Don’t Use Telepathy To Pass Tests

(I work at a language testing center for people wishing to immigrate to the United States for either academics or work. On this particular testing day, my class is filled with candidates testing for workplace language fluency. The test consists of a reading booklet and a separate sheet — like a scantron — for recording answers.)

Me: “You have five minutes left. Please remember to transfer your answers to the answer sheet if you haven’t already done so.”

(Five minutes pass.)

Me: “That is the end of this test segment. Please put down your pencils and wait for your exams to be collected.”

(I walk around the room.)

Random Lady: “EXCUSE ME!” *waves at me frantically*

(Rushing to her before she blurts out answers, I respond in a hushed whisper.)

Me: “Yes?”

Random Lady: “I JUST NEED TO FINISH. I HAVE THE ANSWERS BUT I DID NOT HAVE TIME TO WRITE THEM DOWN!”

Me: “Um… Well, the test is over now, so we aren’t allowed to let you continue writing.”

Random Lady: “WHAT?! BUT MY ANSWERS ARE UP HERE IN MY HEAD!” *violently stabs her forehead with the eraser side of her pencil* “AND NOT ON THE PAPER! Do you think the examiner will know what I meant even though I didn’t write it?!”

Me: “Umm… No, ma’am, I’m sorry. If you left it blank, the examiners won’t know your answers.”

Random Lady: “Why not?!”

Me: *pause* “Because they cannot read your mind…?” 

Random Lady: “THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE TO LET ME WRITE THEM!”

Me: “I did let you write them. You’ve had the past hour to write them down. I’m sorry…”

Random Lady: “But I was thinking. Have you never thought a thought before?!”

Me: “…”

Random Lady: “UGH! YOU PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LET ME FAIL! YOU’D BETTER HOPE GOD TELLS THE EXAMINER MY HEAD ANSWERS!” *storms off*