In A Muddle Over The Mobble

(Most of our visitors are from England, and although we’re familiar with the ‘tourist’ pronunciations of a lot of town names, sometimes they manage to pronounce something so crazy that we have to ask them to spell it, which for us, usually spells trouble…)

Customer: *a smartly-dressed older lady* “Hi. I want to get to Mobblegarnith.”

Me: “Mobblegarnith? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of it. Did you perhaps mean [Town Name In Cheshire]? It’s a good two-and-a-half hours from here.”

Customer: “It must be near here; I think we passed a sign for it on our way in.”

Me: “Well, the nearest town to here that begins with ‘M’ is [Town Name].”

Customer: “No. Not there.”

Me: “Well, how about [another nearby town name that begins with ‘M’]?”

Customer: “No. Not there either.”

Me: “What about [town that doesn’t begin with ‘M’ but roughly rhymes with the ‘garnith’ part]?”

Customer: “No, no, NO, stupid! It’s not there. It’s Mobblegarnith!” *slowly and louder* “MOBBLE. GARNITH!”

Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but could you spell it for me? Or perhaps tell me a name of another town you passed by where you saw the signs?”

Customer: “Oh for crying out loud. M. A. C. H. Y—”

Me: “Oh! You mean Machynlleth?! That’s a good hour from us, and it’s back the way you came from [Their Hometown].”

Customer: “Yes, finally! Mobblegarnith. I don’t get why you Welsh people have to pronounce it differently just to wind us English up. It’s CLEARLY Mobblegarnith.”

Me: “I assure you it’s not deliberate. The Welsh alphabet is just a tiny bit bigger than the English one. We actually have 28 letters versus your 26, so we have to combine some of the letters in the alphabet to finish making up our alphabet. The pronunciations are all right once you get used to them, though.”

Customer: “Don’t lecture me, young lady! Your alphabet is nothing more than silly lies; if you’d been properly educated you’d know how to pronounce all these places. Now, could you please, very kindly, if it is not too much trouble, tell me how to get to Mobblegarnith?”

Me: “Right, okay. I can print you some map directions if you like?”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Thank you, you are most kind.”

Me: *prints maps and hands them to customer* “Here you go! Road directions to Machynlleth. Since you had such trouble getting here, I’ll waive the printing fee.”

Customer: “For goodness’ sakes, girl, say it PROPERLY.”

Me: *dying a bit inside* “I hope you have a safe journey to Mobblegarnith.”

Customer: *gives a satisfied nod, and turns on her heels to leave*