Immaculate Misconception, Part 5

| Stuttgart, Germany | Working | June 14, 2013

(I’ve had abdominal pain for a while, so my gynecologist has taken a blood sample and sent it to the lab. Note: I’m 18 years old and a virgin.)

My Mother: “So, what did the test show?”

Nurse: “I’m sorry, I cannot speak about it on the phone. She has to come in.”

(I find this odd and worrisome, so I go to the doctor. I find her grinning happily when she sees me.)

Doctor: “Congratulations! You’re pregnant!”

Me: “That can’t be possible. I didn’t have intercourse.”

Doctor: “Well, there are other ways to be intimate with someone—”

Me: “I know, but I haven’t even been close to a naked man, let alone did anything with him to get me pregnant.”

Doctor: “You need to be honest with me!”

Me: “I’m not lying.”

(The doctor shows me the results. One hormone apparently is greatly raised.)

Me: “Well, are there any diseases that could lead to this rise?”

Doctor: “There are, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE THEM!”

Me: “Well, I guess I need a new test, then?”

Doctor: *snorts* “Fine, we’ll repeat the test.”

(A couple of days later, I return to get my results.)

Doctor: “…You’re not pregnant. The lab had made a mistake.”

Me: “Thank God for that! Throughout these days, I had been wondering if I had been abducted by aliens and am now carrying an alien baby.”

(I stuck with her after that, feeling that it wasn’t her fault. However she messed up again later, so I went looking for a new one!)


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