Imagine What You Could Accomplish If You Could Do That ALL THE TIME

CONTENT WARNING: Self-Harm, Surgery Complications, Blood

When I was twenty, I got my tonsils removed. The initial surgery went well, but a few hours later, when I woke up from my post-anaesthesia nap, I opened my mouth and blood started pouring out. It turned out that I had immediate post-op bleeding.

I was admitted to the Emergency Room and was scheduled to have corrective surgery the next day. The doctor for the second surgery got into a freaking car crash on the way to the hospital. My surgery was postponed for three days, and I was moved out of the ER and into a regular hospital bed.

I was in pain and starving, and every time I opened my mouth, it was like the elevator scene from “The Shining”. The person in the bed next to me had a host of entitled visitors (I think they were family, but I’m not sure) who were constantly talking at max volume. I decided to try and politely ask them to keep the volume down a little, and boy, that was a mistake.

Me: “Hey, guys, would you mind keeping the volume down a little? I’m trying to sleep, but it feels like you’re talking very loudly, and the curtain doesn’t block out the sound that well, so I can hear everything.”

Patient: “Ignore her. I haven’t seen any doctors or specialists come and check on her since she’s been here, only nurses. Obviously, she’s not that sick. She’s just being overdramatic and is annoyed that I actually have visitors.”

Me: “Actually, the reason is—”

One of the visitors noticed my self-harm scars.

Visitor: “Okay, I think I get it. They didn’t have any space at the funny farm for you, so they stuck you with actual sick people?”

The other visitors and the patient started laughing at this obviously hilarious observation.

At that point, I knew I needed to gargle some more hydrogen peroxide before the “bloodgates” in my mouth released and caused a tsunami of blood.

Me: “You’re absolutely right! My bad. I was just— Wait— Sorry— I just—”

At that point, I simply opened my mouth mid-sentence, and blood came pouring out of my mouth and onto my hospital gown, right in front of them. They freaked out. It was horror movie-level s***.

I was in a lot of pain, and I was internally screaming, but my pettiness got the best of me; I gave them a blood-covered, toothy smile and went back to my bed to call a nurse for painkillers and gargle some more hydrogen peroxide.