I’m Styling High, Defying Gravity!

I overhear this at my hairdresser while I am waiting to pay. A lady is having a consultation prior to having her hair cut. She has long, long dead-straight hair in a centre parting.

Customer: “Right. How can we give my hair more body on top? It’s so flat.”

Hairdresser: “Okay, I can put in some layers to help lift it.”

Customer: “No, I want to keep it all one length.”

Hairdresser: “I can recommend a product that will—”

Customer: “I already told you; I don’t want anything on my hair. I hate all those mousses and things.”

Hairdresser: “All right, then. That makes it a bit tough. If we dry it lifting it away from your scalp, it will help lift at the roots, but the length will pull it down without anything to hold it.”

Customer: “Is that something I can do at home?”

Hairdresser: “Yes, of course. You just lift like this—” *demonstrates with a brush* “—and then direct the hairdryer at the roots—”

Customer: “Oh, no, I hate using heat on my hair. I always let it dry naturally.”

Hairdresser: “I don’t honestly think you’ll get any lift in your hair without any product or heat. I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t work that way.”

Customer: “Look, I just want a haircut that will give me some body on top so it’s not flat to my head! You’re a hairdresser! Surely you can do something?”

At this point, I had paid and had to leave, with the poor hairdresser standing there looking bewildered. Lady, she can’t change the rules of physics for you; hair ain’t going to lift up on its own.