I’m Related To A Celebrity! Get Me Out There!

, , , , , , | Related | October 21, 2020

I wrote this story about my father-in-law’s cousin who is a B-list actor.

Things get MUCH weirder during the global outbreak. My mother-in-law decides to write a bunch of bathroom songs for people to sing while they are washing their hands and she wants my father-in-law’s cousin to promote those songs.

My mother-in-law has always written songs and sung them badly. She is a self-taught musician who has absolutely ZERO understanding of proper music composition. She taught herself how to play the piano and she sounds so bad that a cat walking across piano keys would sound much better.

She decided to release a CD of her bathroom songs. This means that she hooked up a computer microphone to her piano and sang her songs into recording software on her five-year-old desktop computer. Unfortunately, she, my father-in-law, AND my husband are oblivious to the fact that she is a horrible musician.

Mother-In-Law: “I just sent a CD of my music to [Actor]’s mother. She is going to give it to [Actor] and he is going to get me on Oprah!”

Me: “You do know that the Oprah show ended a bunch of years ago, right? I also don’t think that Oprah is going to be interested in a preschool administrator’s CD of bathroom songs.”

Mother-In-Law: “I know that Oprah hasn’t been on TV in years, but [Actor] will make her start her show again so I can go on it to promote my music!”

Me: “Are you delusional? There is no way that Oprah is going to restart her show just because a B-list movie actor tells her to promote his cousin-in-law’s CD of bathroom songs!”

Mother-In-Law: “But I know that [Actor] is going to get me my big break in the music business! I am a fantastic musician and I have just had some bad breaks while trying to get my music published.”

Me: “You wrote songs for adults to sing in the bathroom while they are washing their hands. No sane adult is going to buy a CD of that!”

Mother-In-Law: “It is a new concept and people aren’t familiar with it, but they will understand it after I go on Oprah and show the world how much they need bathroom songs!”

Me: “Why are you even bothering [Actor]’s ninety-five-year-old mother with your bathroom songs, anyway? She is old; please don’t bother her.”

Mother-In-Law: “[Actor] is going to love my bathroom songs! I need him to get my break in the music business!”

I dropped it after that, but my in-laws STILL don’t see how horrible a musician my mother-in-law is and that no sane person is going to give her a break in the music business.

Related:
I’m Related To A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!

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