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I’m Related To A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!

, , | Related | December 15, 2019

(My father-in-law’s cousin is a B-list Hollywood actor. My father-in-law frequently tells people that he is “special” because [Actor] is his cousin. This is despite the fact that he hasn’t actually seen this cousin in person nor spoken to him since the late 1960s. The following story happens when my husband and I are stationed with the military in South Korea.)

Mother-In-Law: *to my husband* “You should go on [Actor]’s Facebook page and invite him to do a USO tour in South Korea. He can stay at your apartment.”

(My husband is a little clueless just like his parents and goes for the idea. He posts a number of posts on [Actor]’s Facebook page to the nature of:)

Post: “Hey, cousin! It’s me, [Husband]. You really need to do a USO tour in Korea; you can stay at my apartment.”

(As the weeks wear on and he keeps making these posts, he doesn’t understand why his cousin isn’t responding. I tell him that [Actor]’s Facebook page isn’t even run by him and that it is a social media management team who doesn’t know [Husband] from Adam; therefore, his posts are being ignored. He calls my mother-in-law and complains to her. Instead of discouraging him, she doubles down on this whack-a-doodle idea.)

Mother-In-Law: “[Actor] probably isn’t responding because he thinks that he will have to stay at a hotel. He probably hates hotels! You need to reassure him that he will be staying at your apartment and not a hotel.”

(At the time, my husband and I are living in a small two-bedroom apartment in military housing, so hosting guests isn’t even an option for us. We have an old futon in the spare bedroom but I primarily use the room for my office. The only person who has stayed on the futon is my friend’s five-year-old daughter when she had to spend the night at our house while her mom was on a temporary duty assignment overnight. I finally get sick of this insanity so I confront my husband.)

Me: “[Husband], [Mother-In-Law], are you guys nuts?! I seriously doubt that [Actor] wants to sleep on a futon and share a bathroom in his cousin’s apartment in Korea. The last USO show that came to [Military Base] had the celebrities stay at the Novotel downtown. Anyway, he has never met either of you and I seriously doubt that his social media team is going to take a random stranger’s posts on his page seriously.”

Mother-In-Law: “But he is [Father-In-Law]’s cousin! That makes us special! He is going to listen to [Husband]’s invitations to go on a USO tour sometime. He hasn’t responded because he doesn’t want to stay at a hotel!”

(My husband rightly dropped the idea after we had a heart-to-heart about his parents’ decades-long delusions about how being related to a celebrity makes them special and that said celebrity is going to do whatever they want him to do. My father-in-law still mentions that he is related to [Actor] when he disagrees with me because he thinks that it automatically makes him right!)

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