I’m Not Sure You Can Fix This Much Stupid

I’m taking chemistry. In an effort to motivate the class, our teacher has announced that if you turn in homework early, you’ll get extra credit points. Chemistry is not my strong point, so I start doing this to help boost my grade. She puts all graded homework in a “pickup” bin where we grab it before or after class. One day, I go to the bin and my homework isn’t there.

Me: “Hey, Mrs. [Teacher], my homework from last week isn’t here.”

Teacher: “That’s odd. I have your extra credit noted right here.”

She flips through her grade book.

Teacher: “Yep, graded and bonus points added. I probably just set it down and forgot to put it in the bin. Go start on the lab. I’ll run it over to you when I find it.”

I go back to my table and start setting up the lab. My lab partner, a known slacker, is furiously scribbling on a piece of paper.

Me: “Hey, you ready?”

Lab Partner: “Hang on. Just gotta finish the homework.”

Me: “You are actually doing the homework?”

Lab Partner: “You people doubt me!”

Me: “Because you never do the homework.”

Lab Partner: “I’m turning over a new leaf! Gonna try and do better this quarter.”

Me: “Wow. That’s great!”

I notice a piece of paper with very familiar handwriting sitting next to him. He looks at it, fills out a question, and squints at the paper.

Me: “Hey!”

Lab Partner: “This handwriting is terrible.”

Me: “You took my homework!”

I reach over and grab the paper. He grabs it back.

Lab Partner: “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Me: “That’s my handwriting and my name at the top, dumba**!”

Lab Partner: “No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Oh, really? Watch this.”

I raise my hand and my teacher comes over.

Me: “Mrs. [Teacher], [Lab Partner] has found my homework.”

He tries to shove the homework under his book. My teacher intercepts him and hands it back to me.

Lab Partner: “I didn’t do anything! That’s mine.”

Teacher: “[Lab Partner], are you really going to try this?”

Lab Partner: “I found it in the pickup box, so it’s mine now!”

My teacher facepalms and sighs.

Teacher: “Good grief. [Lab Partner], you get a zero. Try that again and it’s in-school suspension for you.”

She walks away.

Lab Partner: “Well, that was stupid of me.”

Me: “You think?!”