I’m Gay For My Religion

(My family is mostly made up of Unitarian Universalists, a typically liberal faith. My grandmother is discussing my sister’s love life. She is a freshman in high school.)

Grandmother: “Oh, I’m so glad she’s finally dating a nice UU boy! I never thought it would happen, especially after that Baptist boy she was dating.”

Me: “Um, aren’t UUs supposed to be accepting?”

Grandmother: “Well, yes, but he wouldn’t accept her, so I didn’t like him.”

Me: “He accepted her just fine! She broke up with HIM because she liked [Current Boyfriend] better!”

(Several months later, just after my sister has come out as a lesbian:)

Grandmother: “Now, [My Name], is it true your sister is gay?”

Me: *bracing for intolerance again* “Yes, she is.”

Grandmother: “Oh, no! None of the other girls at church are gay! They’re not even that other thing, where they like both!”

Me: “Bi?”

Grandmother: “Yes, that! Hmm… Maybe some are. Maybe [UU Sophomore Girl] is bi. She’s nice and broke up with her boyfriend, [Friend] said. Can you ask her?”

Me: “Grandma! She doesn’t need me to help her! She has plenty of opportunities on her rugby team! Three girls she likes are competing for her right now!”

Grandmother: “But none of them are UU…”

(At least she’s not 100% bigoted, anyway!)