Ill-Temper Your Expectations

(My mother needs a new cellphone plan, and I agree to tag along with her. Please note that my mom is in her mid 60s, five feet tall, and incredibly sweet and polite, especially to strangers.)

Sales Rep: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Mom: “Hello! It seems I need to update my cell phone plan, if that’s not too much trouble.”

Sales Rep: “Of course not. I’d be happy to assist you with that. *looks up my mom’s account* “Ah, okay, it looks like we no longer offer your original plan, so let’s go over your new options…”

(Without warning, my mother mutates into a Nightmare Customer from Hades.)

Mom: “I DON’T WANT A NEW PLAN! I LIKED THE OLD PLAN! WHY DON’T YOU OFFER IT ANYMORE?! THIS IS HORRIBLE SERVICE!”

Sales Rep: *visibly startled* “I’m… I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you’ll take a look at our current plans, I’m sure we’ll find you a great deal on something that…”

Mom: “Why are you doing this to me? Your company obviously doesn’t care about its customers! Fix this situation immediately, or I’m taking my business elsewhere!”

(At this point, everyone in the store is staring at us, and the sales rep looks like she may start crying.)

Me: “Mother, what is wrong with you?! Why are you acting like this?”

Mom: *suddenly herself again* “Oh dear, nothing’s wrong at all! But if a store has a policy you don’t like, what you do is get really mean with the salespeople and take out your aggression on them. Then the salespeople call their corporate headquarters to inform the CEO that a customer is unhappy, and the policy gets changed!”

(She smiles brightly. The store is silent as both customers and employees attempt to process her logic.)

Me: *to the sales rep* “We’ll take this plan right here, and I’ll explain everything else to her in the car…”