I’ll Take One Scoop Of Vanilla, And One Scoop Of Changing The Laws Of Thermodynamics

(It is particularly hot today, both inside and outside of the store, so all our ice cream is very soft. My coworker tries to hand a lady her ice cream cone.)

Coworker: “Here you are, ma’am!”

Customer: “Uh, I didn’t order a baby cone. I wanted a big one.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, we only sell one size of ice cream cone.”

Customer: “This one is flat! They are usually this tall!” *motions a very exaggerated size of ice cream*

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can make you a new one but it will look exactly like that one. Due to the heat, the ice cream is not standing up very well.”

Customer: “Well, I want a new one!”

(My coworker turns to make another cone but the customer stops her.)

Customer: “No! Not you! Make her do it!” *she points to me*

Me: “Okay.”

(I make our standard three-twist cone and it instantly collapses in on itself.)

Me: “See, ma’am? The ice cream is soft. This is the same cone we have been selling for years. Today it’s just a little flatter and wider than normal because of the heat.”

(The customer was not happy but she took her ice cream and left. She called later to complain about it but hung up on my manager when he couldn’t come up with a way to make ice cream not melt.)