I’ll Leave A Piece Of Me With You When I Go

We’ve all been told to clear our desks. We are moving to “hotdesks,” which means that you book any desk available and sit in a different one each day. While a lot of people don’t like it, I don’t mind at all. Frankly, I don’t particularly like the people who sit next to me. [Coworker] in particular always “borrows” things and never gives them back.

I’m clearing out my desk. I get most of it done then move on to the top drawer. It contains many dried-up pens, some miscellaneous stationery, and a big pack of sweets that went out of date months ago. I grab the odd nicer pen from the drawer and commit the rest to a pile on my desk.

I go to look for some bin bags and return to see my desk clear. I guess that someone must be collecting rubbish, as many of the bins have been emptied, too. I put it down to an over-enthusiastic cleaner. Good job I wasn’t keeping anything!

Before I leave for the day, I’m making sure I get my “borrowed” stuff back from [Coworker]. He can find someone else to steal from, from now on.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I need my calculator back.”

Coworker: “I don’t think I have it.”

Me: “Top drawer, left-hand side, can’t miss it. It has my name on it.”

Coworker: “Oh, so it is. How did that get there?!”

Me: “Yeah, okay, thanks. I’m packed up so I won’t be sitting over there anymore.”

Coworker: “That’s a shame; I will miss you. Want a sweet?”

Me: “Oh, my favourites. Thanks.”

I look down and it’s the same packet that I was going to throw away — the same ones that are at least seven months out of date. He has eaten half of them, and they look sticky and discoloured.

Me: “You know what? I’ll give it a miss, thanks.”

Thankfully, I have sat far from [Coworker] since. I won’t miss his kleptomaniac ways.