A Very Unhappy Meal

(Despite most of my family being Catholic, a combination of atheism on my dad’s side, and agnosticism/laziness on my mother’s side, make it so that I grow up without religion. We simply didn’t go to church, so I had no clue about the rites and rituals that my cousins would go through. My cousin and I are about seven years old, and we are in the middle of eating our hamburgers when she suddenly starts bawling.)

Aunt: “Honey what’s wrong?”

Cousin: “I’M GOING TO HELL!” *continues bawling*

My Mother & Me: “…?”

Aunt: “Honey, why do you say that?”

Cousin: *through the tears* “I wasn’t thinking and it’s Friday, and I already did my first penance, but I ate meat and it’s Friday, and I can’t confess before my first communion AND I’M GOING TO HELL!” *resumes absolute sobbing*

Me: *at all of seven years old, and matter of fact as can be* “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

(I just couldn’t fathom a ‘loving God'” that would send a little girl to eternal torment over accidentally consuming meat on a Friday)

Other Patrons: *death glares*

Mom: “You shouldn’t say that… I’ll explain it later.”

(Later on she tried to explain it to me… to no avail.)