I’ll Be 14 When Stuffed Pigs Fly

(I’ve just turned 18 and am at a theme park with one of my best friends to celebrate. It’s worth noting that I’m a girl, I look quite young for my age, and I am very short. As we walk into the main park area we see a bunch of carnival-style games.)

Friend: “Oh, look, the guessing lady.”

(The “guessing lady” will guess your weight, birthdate, or age with a margin for error of ten pounds, two months, or two years, respectively. If she’s wrong and her guess is outside the margin for error, you win a prize. She uses laminated sheets of paper held together by three rings to make the guesses. We can see there’s a bit of a crowd around her.)

Friend: “I bet she’d have a hard time trying to guess anything about you.”

Me: “You know what? You’re probably right. Think I should try?”

Friend: “I don’t see why not.”

(I step up to the front of the crowd. The lady notices me.)

Guessing Lady: “Hey there, kiddo, you want to try your luck?”

Me: “Sure do.”

Guessing Lady: “All right, what prize do you want to try for?”

Me: “One of those stuffed pigs.”

Guessing Lady: “And what do you want me to guess?”

Me: “My age.”

(She smirks, looks me up and down, and starts flipping through her laminated sheets of paper. I can see the reflection in her sunglasses and grin, because I can see she’s wrong and not within the margin for error. She turns the paper around so I and the crowd can see.)

Guessing Lady: “You must be 14.”

Me: “Nope! I just turned 18, actually!”

Guessing Lady: *brow furrowed* “Are you kidding? You’ve gotta be kidding. There’s no way.”

Me: *still grinning* “Do you want to see my ID? Got it right here in my wallet.”

Guessing Lady: *slightly defeated* “No, no, no. Just… go get your prize.”

(I grabbed the stuffed pig from the man behind her and walked away with my friend. As soon as we were out of earshot, we burst out laughing. It’s been almost two years, and I still get mistaken for a 14-year-old. I still have that pig, too.)