If You’re Not Here To Read The Books, At Least Read The Room

I’m working in a library. One of the patrons in the study area has been talking loudly for long enough that she’s been shushed by other patrons twice. After a third shush, she starts yelling.

Me: “Ma’am! You can’t be yelling in the library.”

Patron: “I don’t see a sign that says be quiet.”

Me: “It’s pretty well implied worldwide that libraries are supposed to be quiet places.”

Patron: “I don’t do “implied,”—” *Finger quotes.* “—I do signs!”

Other Patron: “Oh, cool! There are no signs saying I can’t pee all over noisy patrons, and since the restrooms on this floor are so far away…”

The other patron walks over and makes a show of reaching for his fly.

Patron: “Stop! Go away! Eww!”

Other Patron: “There’s no sign telling me I can’t.”

The patron grabs her laptop and phone and hurriedly makes her way to the exit.

Me: *To the other patron.* “Thank you, sir. I can’t believe we might have to put up a sign asking people to be quiet in the library… or not to pee on noisy patrons.”

Other Patron: *Sad.* “Aww…”