If You Were As Rich As Tony Stark, You Would

(I have picked up a comedy birthday card and am just about to pay.)

Cashier: “Would you like to give any money to Cancer Research today?”

Me: “Er… No, thank you.”

(Pause.)

Me: “I sounded like a monster. I mean that I don’t have any more money, not that I don’t think it’s a good cause.”

Cashier: “Don’t worry, you’re all right. I like your card and–” *points to my Iron Man T-shirt* “–your shirt.”

Me: “Thanks, have a nice day.”

(I go back to my friend.)

Friend: “What was that about?”

Me: “I am a terrible human being.”