If Wishes Were Horses

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2018

(Our store price-matches to any place with a brick and mortar store, or to Amazon as long as the item is sold and shipped by Amazon and is the exact same item that they want to have us match — same brand, quantity, etc. The following conversation happens way more than it should.)

Customer: *talking with a very sarcastic, rude tone to start with* “Yeah, this charging cord is $9.99, but its only $1.50 online. Am I missing something?”

Me: “Oh, well, we do price-match within certain guidelines, so let’s go where it is cheaper online. Do you have the item pulled up on your phone?”

Customer: “No, I just want to know why it is so expensive here. What am I missing?”

Me: “Well, that is pretty standard pricing as far as I know, although it may be on sale online. Can I see what one you were looking at that was cheaper?”

(The customer grumbles and pulls up his phone to Amazon.)

Customer: “Here! Why is yours so much more?!”

Me: *see’s that he has pulled up a cheap, knockoff brand that is one-foot shorter than the one he is looking at in the store* “Oh, it looks like this item is a different brand and length, so that would explain the price difference.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t; I want to know why yours is so much more expensive than the same thing online?!”

Me: “Sir, it is not the same thing; the one in our store is a very reliable, high-quality brand, and is a full foot longer than the cheap, knockoff brand on Amazon. It isn’t the same.”

Customer: “What are you? Thick? Answer my question!”

Me: *really trying to keep my cool and deciding to try and shock him to his senses* “Sir, I want to buy a horse.”

Customer: “No, I… Wait, what?”

Me: “I want to buy a horse. I look at two different ones. One is beautiful, healthy, purebred, and proven to be a wonderful racehorse. The other one has short legs, isn’t reliable, and it’s ugly. The first, perfect horse is $10,000; the second, ugly horse is only $100. Now, are these horses the same?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “You see, they are the same in the fact that they are horses, just like these are both charging cords, but they are being sold by different people and are completely different bloodlines, health statuses, and reliability. So, why would I expect the $10,000 horse to be given to me for only $100, the same price as the terrible horse from the knockoff owner? I wouldn’t, because that is silly, isn’t it?” *I smile sweetly at the customer*

Customer: *starts getting red* ” I! You! Oh, forget it!”

(He throws the item down and stomps out. My manager walks up:)

Manager: “Did you just get that idiot to leave by comparing our product to horses?”

Me: “Yep!”

Manager: “I owe you lunch!”

(I have since tried that line of conversation on similar situations, and it usually gets the customer to see sense!)

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