If Only He Could Hear Himself

(I am in my second week at my job as a research assistant on campus. Already, I have the reputation of being sociable and talkative. One day I wake up with absolutely no voice. Since I have no other symptoms of being sick, I show up to work anyway.)

Boss: “Why is it so quiet in here?”

Coworker: “[My Name] lost her voice, so she’s not talking like she usually does.”

Boss: *dropping his voice down to a whisper* “Okay. I guess we’ll all speak softly, for your sake.”

Coworker: “[Boss], she can’t speak. Her hearing hasn’t changed!”

Boss: “Um… right. Well, we can… Let’s stick to email today, shall we?”

Coworker: “Seriously? How did you get your Ph.D.?”

Boss: “This is why I have you two as research assistants: so you can do the thinking for me!”