If Music Be The Fruit Of Jealousy

(I’ve meet a guy at a music festival and we really hit it off, spending most of the weekend together. I want to see a particular musician perform, and he and his friend seem enthusiastic, so we all go together. The musician comes out on stage to massive applause and plays one of my all-time favourite songs.)

Me: “God, isn’t he awesome?!”

Guy: “He’s all right, I guess.”

Me: “Not gonna lie. I’m basically in love with that dude. Such a great performer too, all that energy.”

Guy: “He’s probably coked up out of his mind.”

Me: “…I’m aware of his substance issues, since half his last album was about them.”

Guy: “I’m just saying, you know, he’s not THAT amazing.”

Guy’s Friend: “Man, what’s your damage tonight? You LOVE [Musician], like, almost as much as she does.”

Me: “Seriously?”

Guy’s Friend: “Oh yeah, he’s a major fan. ”

Me: “…Wait, are you actually jealous? Dude, you’ve known me all of two days! Are you for real mad because I have a crush on a rock star?”

Guy: “I’m not jealous! I’m just saying he has issues.”

Me: “I think his music is great. I don’t want to marry him or something.”

Guy: “Would you sleep with him?”

Me: “I don’t really think that’s even a possibility, but wouldn’t you?”

Guy’s Friend: “He would.”

Guy: “…Okay, yes, probably, but that’s not the point!”

Me: “So the point is you want me to what, invite you along if for some reason I get the chance to have sex with [Musician]?!”

(That did actually make him laugh and admit he was acting weird. The rest of the concert was fantastic and as far as I know none of us had sex with Musician.)