If It Were A Snake, It Would Have Bitten Him

A previous boyfriend was legendary in his obliviousness. It was a running joke with all his friends and family. This particular instance still makes me laugh.

I had just started a new job that his sister had gotten me, and she warned me that the office had a stalker. This random guy liked to chat up all the long-term female hires and would send the newest ones flowers, chocolates, and love notes. He was technically harmless as he didn’t follow anyone home or talk to the girls in person himself. He also would change his attention to the newest new person — which is a little weird, but it’s better than a regular stalker, I guess?

During my first week there, I was sent this absolutely gorgeous arrangement of roses in a pretty vase with a ribbon bow. [Boyfriend]’s sister said it would be hilarious if I took them home and timed how long it took [Boyfriend] to notice them.

I took them home, put them on an end table by the couch with the light on, curled up on the end right next to the flowers, and started reading. [Boyfriend] came home, said hi, asked about my day, and then went off to change clothes. He came back in, sat with me a while, still chatting, and then wandered out again.

Two hours later, he walked back in and stopped dead.

Boyfriend: “Where did the flowers come from?”

He did not appreciate me laughing and saying they had been there the whole time.