If It Doesn’t Brake, Don’t Fix It

(My mom, stepdad, stepbrother, cousin, and I are all into a van on a family driving vacation. We are driving down from Pike’s Peak, and doing so quite fast.)

Mom: “Honey, slow down.”

Stepdad: “I am.”

Mom: “Honey, slow down.”

Stepdad: “I am!”

Mom: “If you don’t slow down I’m getting out of this van.”

Stepdad: “Well, you go ahead and try that since I’ve been trying to stop for the last five minutes.”

Mom: “What?”

Stepdad: “Well, I was about to say, ‘Don’t scare the kids’.”

(We all begin screaming. We bust the tollbooth wide open, leaving the attendant screaming after us.)

Tollbooth Guy: “It’s fifty cents! Really?!”

(We finally get to a stop. My stepdad owns a freight-hauling company, so he is used to situations such as these. The brakes had just gotten too hot, and needed to cool down. He slowly gets out, gets fifty cents, and walks back to the tollbooth. About half an hour later, we are driving again.)

Mom: “Honey, speed up!”