If I Want Your Outdated Opinion, I’ll Ask For It

I am female. I normally have my hair in a short style — pixie cut or shorter. Part of the reason why is that my hair type quickly results in it being a knotted mess with the slightest breeze, and living coastal means we get a lot of breeze. With the current circumstances, I’ve not been able to go to the hairdressers, so my hair is now just above shoulder-length. For me, this is long.

We’re leaving the lockdown and hairdressers are threatening to open, so I’m talking excitedly to [Coworker #1], a woman in her late forties who has hair down to her lower back, about getting my hair cut when I can. [Coworker #2], a man in his late fifties, cuts in.

Coworker #2: “You should grow your hair out.”

Me: *Turning to him* “Oh, sorry?”

Coworker #2: “You’ll look much prettier with longer hair; you should grow it out.”

Me: “But I want short hair.”

Coworker #2: “But boys won’t like you if you have short hair. Girls should have long hair.”

Coworker #1: “She’s not a girl. She’s a woman.”

Coworker #2: “She’ll still turn off boys with short hair.”

Me: “Good. I don’t want to date boys, anyway. That would be gross. I want to date adults.”

Coworker #2: “I don’t mean little boys! I mean boys your age.”

Coworker #1: “They’re called men.”

Coworker #2: “They’re younger than us.”

Coworker #1: “They’re still called men.”

Coworker #2: “It’s the same thing. Anyway, don’t you think she should have long hair?”

Coworker #1: “I don’t think it matters what I think, as she didn’t actually ask for opinions on what haircut she should get. She knows what she’s getting, and at thirty, she knows she likes it.”

Coworker #2: *Huffs* “You’re gonna look like a boy if you do that.”

I roll my eyes.

Me: “I’m not continuing this with you. You have absolutely no say in my life and I’ve known you for a month.”

Coworker #2: *Yelling across the room* “Hey, [Co-Worker #3]”

[Coworker #3], a woman in her early twenties, has literally just entered the building. She always wears a cap.

Coworker #3: “What do you want?”

Coworker #2: *Gesturing to me* “Don’t you think she’d look better with long hair?” 

Coworker #3: *To me* “Do you want long hair?”

Me: “Nope. Gonna get a pixie.”

Coworker #3: “Sweet!”

Coworker #2: “She’s gonna look like a boy with that”

[Coworker #3] takes off her cap to reveal her freshly shaved head.

Coworker #3: “Guess my name is Kev now, hey!”