Identity Clause

(My wife and I are eating at a pizza buffet restaurant with our two sons when we notice a large older man with a full white beard seated at a nearby table, wearing a red shirt. This man is happily “admitting” to the kids who approach him that he is actually Santa. My boys are just past the age of believing in Santa, so we all enjoy seeing the wide-eyed wonder of the younger kids in the restaurant. About midway through our meal, “Santa” finishes his dinner and leaves. Barely two minutes after his departure, ANOTHER man with a white beard and red shirt enters the restaurant. It is uncanny; he clearly looks like Santa Claus himself, but is very obviously a different man. There is quite the commotion from the younger kids in the restaurant. Sensing the potential for disaster, I get up and approach the second man:)

Me: *quietly* “Hi. I thought you should know that the reaction you’re hearing is not just because you look like Santa Claus, but because another man who looks like Santa just left here.”

Second “Santa”: *to the room, without skipping a beat* “Sorry about the confusion, boys and girls. I’m the real Santa; that other guy was probably my brother Jim. He likes to pretend he’s me. I should stop him, but he’s a pretty nice guy himself. Merry Christmas!”

(That seemed to satisfy everyone. It makes me laugh to this day that there are kids who grew up thinking they’d seen both the real Santa and his brother “Jim.”)

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