I’d Like To Disorder Some Food

(To order food you order at the counter with your table number. Our pub is circular so it is easy to see which direction customers come from, which can be helpful when they don’t know their table number.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello! I’d like to order some food!”

(Normally at this point I ask their table number, but she has a list and immediately ignores me when I start to ask her, and starts reading instead.)

Customer: “I’ll have two soups, please—”

Me: “Is that broccoli and Stilton, or tomato?”

Customer: “Oh I’m not sure, I’ll just check!”

(She dashes off, leaving her purse on the bar with me, so I place it closer to the till where it’s not so obvious. I generally don’t like people doing this as anyone can pinch it if it’s obscured by the till. She comes back.)

Customer: “Tomato, please! Oh, I suppose you want to know our table number?” *begins walking away again leaving her purse*

Me: “No! That’s okay; just tell me where you’re sitting.”

Customer: “The first booth.”

(Our first booth is table one, then table two/three are normal tables. Four and five are also booths. I put her down as table one.)

Me: “Okay, what else can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken wrap, please—”

Me: “Okay, we have four different chicken wraps.”

(I explain them all to her. She doesn’t know.)

Customer: “Oh, sorry, hang on!”

(She runs back to her table to ask, again leaving her purse. This time I watch her. She is seated at table four, not one. I change her table number.)

Customer: “That’ll be [Wrap #2], just plain.”

(At this point I’m wary of asking her anything else, so I put a message saying ‘sauce on side.’)

Me: “Anything else for you on there?”

(She proceeds to give me an order with four more meals and then adds drinks. She doesn’t know who wants ice and questions me about which drink is which, etc.)

Customer: *waving the list* “Well, it’s a good thing I wrote it all down!”

Me: *in my head* “If only you actually had written it all down.”

(I carry on serving and a few minutes later she pops back up.)

Customer: “Oh, I gave you the wrong table number!”

Me: “Don’t worry. I changed it already so it’ll be fine. Thanks.” *in my head* “Please don’t let anything be wrong on that order!”