I Think I Love You But I Can’t Put My Finger On It

(My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly four years. We’re juniors in high school, and chatting over text on fruit-related tablets. She’s scolding me for eating nearly nothing but candy all Christmas Day, when this transpires.)

Girlfriend: “I can’t send you a middle finger emoticon, but here’s a bird. It’s the closest I’ve got.” *sends a bird face in the message*

Me: *has the latest update, which has a middle finger emoticon* “Here you go!” *includes emoticon*

Girlfriend: “I don’t have anything. What did you try to send me?”

Me: “Oh, well in [Newest update], there’s a middle finger emoticon, like you asked for. I was giving it to you. As your boyfriend, it’s my duty not only to acknowledge my stupidity, but to assist in its discipline.”

Girlfriend: “…is this just an excuse to flip me off?”

Me: “No, no! If I was gonna flip you off, I’d just send a picture of myself doing it. I’m nice like that.”

Girlfriend: “Sure…”

Me: “Looove you!”

(She responded in kind, of course. We couldn’t be more mean to each other, or more perfect together!)