I Think He Said The Quiet Part Out Loud

Even before marriage ever came up between my wife and me, I explained to her how much I hate churches due to things I witnessed growing up. She was understanding and knew my feelings about churches.

Eventually, things keep going and we get engaged. Now, all the wedding planning takes place. [Fiancée]’s got ideas! I tell her any plans she has is okay with me, but the only thing I want is cheesecake for the wedding cake. (It was the best wedding cake ever! Everyone there had multiple pieces to try the three different flavors we had.) We go through a handful of places where we might be able to get married that could accommodate the number of guests [Fiancée] wants but to no avail. The only option left that can accommodate us is the church her family attends.

She hasn’t been to the church herself for years, but she likes the old pastor, and he’s a family friend, so he agrees to do our wedding ceremony even though he’s almost fully retired. The new pastor of the church has been handling weddings as he’s been transitioning into the position, but the old pastor says he’ll handle the ceremony instead, and this makes my fiancée happy.

However, there is one stipulation if we are to be wed at the church; we have to do premarriage counseling classes — a total of three one-hour classes. I roll my eyes at [Fiancée] when she tells me about this, but since this is what she wants, I tell her it won’t be an issue. Our wedding is still a good six-plus months away, so the classes aren’t something that have to happen right away. All three classes are scheduled a few weeks apart.

The day arrives for our first premarriage counseling class. We arrive at the church, and since the new pastor has been taking the lead on things, he is the one doing the premarriage counseling classes. We all exchange pleasantries and chat for a few minutes, and then [Fiancée] and I are taken to different rooms where we’re both given some marriage compatibility test that we have the next forty-five minutes to work on. It’s so stupid, but I read through all the dumb questions and fill in my choices on the answer sheet. I don’t recall if we ever get results back from the test or not, and nothing else of importance happens during that class.

A few weeks later, our second premarriage counseling class is due. We arrive at the church and meet up with the new pastor again. I don’t recall what we even do that day, but I recall we have a bit of time talking. As we sit on the couch in his office across from the pastor behind his desk, he asks questions and we answer. He talks about the church and blah, blah, blah. Things are dull and boring, and there are maybe ten minutes left in our class. Things ARE dull and boring until he drops this on us.

New Pastor: “I understand that [Old Pastor] is going to be doing the ceremony for your wedding, correct?”

Fiancée: “Yes. He was my pastor as I was growing up, and he’s a family friend, so he said he would do our ceremony before he retires this year.”

New Pastor: “Excellent! That’s good to hear. I don’t think I’ve seen you guys attend mass at all, so if you guys are interested, we have mass on [days and times]. We’d love to see you guys join us.”

Fiancée: “That’s something we can certainly think about.”

New Pastor: “That’s good to hear because we’d love to see you guys come in and donate money to us.”

[Fiancée], knowing how I felt about churches and the reasons behind it, noticed that the expression on my face went from an indifferent, don’t-want-to-be-here, bored look to anger. To this day, I’m still not sure what I would have done; I don’t know if I would have gone over the desk and hit him or if I would have just stood up and chewed him out for telling us that that we need to come to the church and give them money.

But [Fiancée] grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the couch before I could get up. She then took one hand, put it on my cheek, and turned my face toward hers. I could see the fear on her face, and it wasn’t fear of what I was going to do but fear that I would ruin all the work we had put into planning our wedding if I screwed things up here. She didn’t have to say a word to me; the look on her face was enough to calm me down. I just nodded to her, calmly and slowly stood up, and walked out.

I went out to the car and sat there for about five minutes before she came out to join me. I didn’t ask what transpired after I left the office. [Fiancée] told me that our last class would be handled by [Old Pastor], not [New Pastor].

A few weeks went by, and we headed to the church and, sure enough, we met up with [Old Pastor]. We all sat and chatted and had some laughs, and I actually enjoyed my time. I never did see [New Pastor] again, and I don’t know if he decided to continue his work at the church or not.

I still don’t understand how [New Pastor] ever thought it was a good idea to tell people that they needed to come into the church and just give them money.