I Scream For Candy

(My sister has just woken up and sees the package of gummy worms my dad got her.)

Sister: “I saw the gummy worms that you got me, but I prefer the gummy octopi. Then I can pretend they’re suffering. I eat the gummy worms in two to one bites, and I can’t bite off the legs and pretend they’re screaming.”

Me: *whimper*

Sister: “Well, sometimes I eat the heads first, but then I can’t hear their screams.”

Me: “That’s sick, demented, and wrong.”