I Need Your DU-ID

(I’m working the service counter when a customer comes up.)

Customer: “I’d like to apply for a loan to get a lawn tractor.”

Me: “Sure! Let’s get started. I’ll need a driver’s license and a secondary form of ID.”

Customer: “I haven’t had a driver’s license in forty years.”

Me: “You don’t have a driver’s license?”

Customer: *relayed with a disturbing amount of pride* “It got taken away; too much drunk-driving.”

Me: “Okay, how about a secondary form of ID. Something like a credit card?”

Customer: “H*** no! I cut all those up years ago! All they do is get you in trouble!”

Me: “Sir, I need some way to check your credit through the bank. You haven’t got a driver’s license or any other form of ID. How about a social security number?”

Customer: “Are you kidding? Like I’d give that out to a total stranger! This happens all the time; you give out your information and it gets sold online!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I need at least two forms of identification in order to process a loan. We can still take cash or a check, though.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t work anymore and haven’t got a savings account; you can’t trust the banks these days.”

Me: “I’m really sorry; there’s nothing else I can do.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re not willing to help me!”

Me: *sigh*