I Name Thee Creep

(A couple of my friends are having a dispute with two other folks. Apparently I’m the official “negotiator/moderator” of our circle of friends, so I get invited onto their IRC group to settle it out. My online handle is a gender-neutral nickname, but admittedly it’s often used by females. About 10 seconds after logging in, I get a private message.)

Stranger: “Hey!”

Me: “Hi?”

Stranger: “Long time no see!”

Me: “Sorry, I must have taken someone else’s name; this is my first time on this server.”

Stranger: “You sure? It’s the exact same name.”

Me: “I’m sure; it’s not exactly a rare name. I also don’t want to talk. I’m here to settle an argument between some friends.”

Stranger: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because I literally just said why.”

Stranger: “Well, you should talk anyway.” *then immediately another message* “36M. Married, BTW.”

Me: “That’s nice. Don’t care.”

Stranger: “You should! I’m a nice guy! I’m not trying to be a creep. I’m just making friends! Hey, you should come by my channel, and talk to my other friends, too!”

Me: “So if you’re not being creepy or hitting on me, the fact that I’m male and just have a gender neutral nickname shouldn’t matter, right? Oh, and should I invite my boyfriend along, too?”

(Stunningly, he stopped messaging me! So much for not being a creep. Went on the /ignore list anyway just to be safe.)