Love Me Chicken Tender

(My boyfriend and I are at the grocery store, where I am known for making junky split-section decisions. He leaves me unattended for a moment to find tortilla chips and returns to find me wistfully eyeing the deli display of chicken tenders.)

Me: “We don’t need chicken tenders.”

Boyfriend: “We do not.”

Me: “Even though they’re looking at me. With their puppy-dog eyes.”

Boyfriend: “You’re so fat.”

Me: “I aaaaaaaam! Sandwich bread next? Last thing on the list, right?”

Boyfriend: “Yep!”

(We start to walk towards the bread, which would also take us through the fresh-baked goods.)

Boyfriend: “Wait, do you want to go get in line for check-out first and I’ll meet you there so we don’t have to wait as long?”

Me: *U-turning the cart* “Sure! Wait, did you suggest that so I don’t accidentally buy the whole bakery section?”

Boyfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. I love you; don’t die!”

(We reconvened at the check-out, where I still might have accidentally thrown in some candy from the impulse purchase racks. He was right to be worried.)