I Like Big Butts With Multiple Cheeks

(I have a friend who I tend to be jokingly evasive with when she asks me questions. I’m currently playing a game on my tablet.)

Friend: “Whatcha doin’?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Friend: “You’re playing a game, right?”

Me: “No.”

Friend: “Then whatcha doin’?”

Me: “Lookin’ at p*rn.”

Friend: “No, you’re not!”

Me: “Yup, I definitely am.”

Friend: “No, you definitely aren’t.”

Me: “I totally am.”

Friend: “If you were looking at p*rn, you wouldn’t be swiping your finger across the screen so much. You’d be jacking it.”

Me: “I’m zooming in on her butt cheeks.”

Friend: *after a few more seconds of me swiping around* “How many butt cheeks does she have?“

Me: “Way too many. I think it might be a medical condition.”