I Leg To Differ

I’m called over to help a coworker as their customer is demanding to substitute a cheap side item (mashed potato) with an expensive appetizer (crab legs). I am explaining why we cannot do this:

Me: “We cannot substitute the potato with meat. You need to choose something from the same section of the menu.”

Customer: “Don’t be stupid! Crab is seafood, not meat!”

Me: “Crab is definitely meat, ma’am.”

Customer: “Seafood is fish, and that’s not meat.”

Me: “Fish are animals, and have meat, just like crabs. It might not be red meat, but it’s still meat.”

Customer: “Meat comes from animals with legs! Not things that swim!”

Me: “Oh, okay, so meat only comes from animals with legs. Gotcha. Remind me what you wanted to sub the potatoes with again?

Customer: “Crab…” *Moment of realization.* “…legs.”

Me: *Staring.*

Customer: “That’s different! It’s just a name! Like buffalo wings! Everyone knows buffalo don’t have wings!”

Me: “Ma’am, wrong again. Buffalo wings are chicken, not buffalo. Secondly, crab leg is called as such because it comes from the leg of a crab.”

I show her a picture of a crab on my phone.

Me: “Like this.”

Customer: “Oh my God! That is what a crab looks like?! It’s like a gross f****** spider! Oh my God! Gross!”

She ordered the steak because she knew what a cow looked like. I get that not everyone likes to swim in the ocean, or watch shows about the ocean, but how are you an adult in America and not know what a crab looks like?!