I Just Can’t “People” Today

(I’m a teller. The phone rings at my station.)

Me: “[Bank] on [Street], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Account balance!”

Me: “Sure thing. I’ll just need you to confirm some information—“

Customer: “Two! Two! Option two!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “YOU’RE NOT A COMPUTER!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I work at [Branch] on [Street]. Do you have your account number, so that I can give you a balance?”

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to you! I want to talk to the computer! TRANSFER ME TO THE COMPUTER!”

Me: “Well, our automated banking number is [number], but I can give you a balance—“

Customer: “NO! I don’t like humans!” *hangs up*

(I look around and notice several of my coworkers are giggling.)

Me: “And they say we’re too automated…”