I Guess We Both Get To Sit Here Forever, Park-Camper!

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 9, 2021

This happens more than ten years ago when I’m barely thirteen and my family has just moved from the southern USA to the North East. We arrive in mid-February, just two days before a massive nor’easter hits, dumping just about a foot of snow. My mom is from the area, so she knows how to deal with this. My little brother and I do not. He was born in the south and we moved there when I was just six months old, so both of us are just this side of useless when it comes to snow, having never seen more than five inches our whole lives.

The day after the storm, my brother and I have to get to school. We wake up extra early and spend the better part of two hours shoveling our sidewalk, digging out the car, and clearing out the parking space — there’s street parking only on this block.

When we’re finally done, my mom marks her parking space with a chair. It’s common practice up here to save your space, because people who have lived here forever and know what happens every winter will still refuse to shovel their own space and use whatever is available, no matter who shoveled it.

We pile into my mom’s little Audi. While waiting for it to warm up, we see a big Hummer screech to a halt behind us and flip his blinker on. He’s clearly waiting for us to leave so he can take our spot. My mom isn’t having this. She shifts the car back into park, turns the blinker off, and waits for him to leave. 

After a few minutes of waiting, we can see the guy getting more and more frustrated. He’s gesturing at my mom, banging his steering wheel, laying on his horn for twenty-plus seconds at a time. He’s just so ANGRY he can’t have the spot all the way down the block from his house that HE DIDN’T DO ALL THE WORK FOR.

Finally, after about five minutes, he gets out and storms up to the driver’s side window. My mom barely cracks it.

Mom: “Yes, can I help you?”

Angry Guy: “YOU NEED TO F****** MOVE THIS PIECE OF S*** RIGHT THE F*** NOW!”

Mom: “Oh? Is there a plow coming or something?”

Angry Guy: “NO, YOU STUPID B****! I’M TRYING TO F****** PARK AND GO HOME! NOW F****** MOVE! NOW!”

Mom: *Laughing* “Yeahhhh, I don’t think so. We just spent half the morning shoveling this spot. I am legally parked in front of my house, and I know you know the common courtesy in this state of not parking in a spot you didn’t clear and didn’t claim. So you can go shovel out in front of your own house!”

She rolled the window up and pretended to answer her phone. The angry guy stood out there in around twenty degrees Fahrenheit having a Grade-A hissy fit — screaming, stomping, banging on the car window, and even throwing snowballs at the windshield. That one made us laugh, which only made him angrier. His face was so hot I think there was actual steam coming off of his cheeks. 

Ten whole minutes later, he finally got in his car and slammed on the gas. The satisfying ending? D**khead had left his car going so long he ran out of gas and had to call a tow truck. We were late for school. Totally worth it.

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