I Don’t Work Here But That Worked Out Beautifully  

, , , , | Right | January 3, 2020

(I’m shopping. I’m wearing a black shirt with a dragon breathing lightning on the front. In no way, shape, or form is this like a uniform in the big box store I’m in. I’m browsing through some shirts, which are stationed across the walkway from the registers, and it’s a quiet time. No major crowds, and as per usual for big box stores, there are only a couple registers open at this time.)

Woman: “I’m ready to be rung up now!”

(I don’t respond. I don’t work here, so I figure it’s none of my business.)

Woman: “Helloooo! I’m ready to be rung up nowww!”

(I pick up shirts and look them over.)

Woman: “Hello! Hello! Excuse me! Hello!”

(I walk around to the other side of the display. I have a cart with me, fully visible to the registers. When I go to the other side of the display, I push my cart, with my purse and a few other purchases in it, to the other side of the display. I can hear someone stomping in my direction.)

Woman: “HEY! I’m trying to get your attention! I’m ready to be rung up now!”

Me: *slowly looks up* “That’s nice. Go to any open register you like.”

Woman: “I’ve already unloaded my stuff onto the conveyor belt. I’m not moving. Get your a** over there and ring me up!”

(I stare at her. She stares right back. I break gaze, grab the bottom of my shirt and stare down at my lightning-breathing dragon on my front. I look back up, stretch my face into a huge grin, and then laugh in her face.)

Me: “Ha! That’s a good one! Have a lovely day, ma’am!”

(She looks outraged, and then stares at me a little more closely.)

Woman: “You don’t work here.”

Me: “Obviously.”

(When I looked back a short time later, all of her things were back in her cart, and she had slunk to the end of the line of an open register.)

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