I Don’t Drink But Give It A Few Customers…

(I have just clocked out and am ready to go home; however, the cashier who is usually at the front isn’t there for some reason, most likely putting away some returns or in the back room. I have also taken off my nametag at this point.)

Customer: “Hey, can you check me out?”

Me: “Uh, I guess… I just clocked out, but I don’t know where my other coworker is… It’s okay; it’ll only take a second.”

(As I’m ringing up his purchase, I call for my coworker over the loudspeaker, but she is nowhere to be found. I assume she’s in the back room where it is almost impossible to hear the intercom.)

Me: “Huh, weird. I wonder where she is? Anyways, your total is $27.99.”

Customer: “She’s probably out smoking crack behind the store.”

Me: *unable to comprehend what I just heard* “Uh… no?”

Customer: “No? Maybe smoking a joint, then?”

(I look at him to see if he’s joking, but he seems completely serious.)

Me: “Uh… probably not. She’s probably in the back room and can’t hear me.”

(I finish the transaction quickly and start to head out the door.)

Customer: “And where are YOU going?”

Me: “I told you I already clocked out, so I’m going home.”

Customer: “Yeah, go home and drink away your problems, you f****** alcoholic!”

Me: “Sir, what makes you assume I drink, or that my coworker does drugs?”

Customer: “That’s what all of you ingrates spend your money on! If you just went to college, you’d have a real job and wouldn’t have to drink or do drugs!”

Me: “Uh… I’m actually a student at [College]. This job is so I can pay for my food, cable bill, and my art supplies. Also, I’ve never drank in my life.”

Customer: “Liar!”

Me: *giving up* “Whatever. Have a nice night.” *goes to leave*

Customer: “Why are you so rude?”

Me: “Trust me, if I knew that you would be accusing me and my coworkers of drinking and doing drugs, I would have just left you at the counter.”