I Buy Rubbers, You Are Glue…

I need to pick up some condoms and it’s my first time doing this. I’m looking at them because let’s face it; I never bought them before, I am nervous about that evening, this store is frequented by my classmates and teachers and the woman I am meeting is gonna meet me at the store. So I’m sorta kinda on edge.

I feel a finger tap my shoulder. It’s this typical soccer-mom type and her kid is standing there.

Soccer Mom: “Put that back… go somewhere else.”

Me: *Nervously.* “W-why?”

Soccer Mom: *Loud whisper.* “This is a family store! There are children here!”

Me: “I kinda need these.”

Soccer Mom: “Put those back! You’re like what – sixteen!? God you teenagers! Now put that back or I’m gonna grab a manager and tell him a minor is buying condoms!”

I am of consenting age, but I don’t want to cause a scene so I put them back. She then menaced me as I got other things, but I wanted to stay low key because I was worried and time was running out.

So I did the insane, comical, rational thing.

I bought whipped cream and cherries. Her face goes red when I get the cherries because I stare her down. Yeah, gonna harass me and shame me… well f*** you!

I didn’t get lucky that night but I made a bomb-a** cherry coke cake.