Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

I Am Rubber, You Are Poo

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2021

Customer: “Excuse me, your cheese island is infested with rats!”

Me:What?! You saw a rat over there?!”

Customer: “No, I didn’t see the rat itself, but its droppings are all over that thing!”

Me: “Show me where you saw them.”

The customer points to an empty section of the cheese island, where a bunch of small, black, spherical objects are sitting on the metal. They’re obviously bits that have come off the rubber matting we line the display shelves with.

Customer: “See right there? Rat s***!”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s actually part of this rubber matting right here. Sometimes little pieces come off of it.”

Customer: “Bulls***! That’s obviously rodent feces!

Me: “I assure you it is not, ma’am.

I pick up some of the little balls of rubber and rub them between my fingers

Me: “If that’s what it was, it would crumble or smear when I do this.”

Customer: “Well, if you’re so sure it’s not rat s***, then put it in your mouth.”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “PUT. IT. IN. YOUR. MOUTH.”

Me: *Crossing my arms* “Absolutely not.”

Customer: “See?! You won’t do it! Because it’s rat s***!

Me: “No, because it’s rubber, and I don’t put rubber in my mouth. That, plus the fact that it’s been sitting on a non-food-contact surface along with God knows what for God knows how long.”

Customer: “You’re just making excuses because you know it’s rat s***! This whole place is probably full of rats and you don’t even care!”

Me: “Would you put rubber in your mouth? If you just picked it up off some random place?”

Customer: “Of course, I would. Everybody would. You’re just covering up the fact that your store is a plague-ridden s***hole and all you people are disgusting, incompetent pigs!”

Me: “Well, if that’s how this conversation is going to go, I can’t help you. Good day.”

I walked back behind the counter to the sound of the woman’s shrill screeching before she goose-stepped her way to the customer service counter. Later on, the store manager told me she threatened to bring the health inspector, the police, and a news crew into the store to document our supposed misdeeds… unless he agreed to give her certain discounts. He told her that if she tried that, he’d have the cops she brought in to haul her out of the store in cuffs, and he told her never to come back. And he told me to clean the bits of rubber off the cheese island.