Hysterical Correctness

(My friend/project partner considers himself transgender, but he has not had surgery yet. He doesn’t care if you call him by male or female terms.)

Friend: “So I’ll handle [task 1], you can do [task 2] and we should be done in no time.”

Me: “Sounds awesome, dude!”

Classmate: “O-M-G! [My name]! You shouldn’t call [friend’s name] ‘dude’ when she’s a girl!”

Me: “What’s wrong with that?”

Classmate: “Well duh. She’s a girl. You can’t call her dude. That’s a male term.”

Me: “Wait. So you want me to call her a different word because she’s a girl?”

Classmate: “Yes! That’s what equality’s all about!”

Me: “And you want me to make this choice based on what gender I’m talking to.”

Classmate: “Yes! What’s so hard about that?”

Me: “[Classmate’s name], aren’t you a feminist?”

Classmate: “Yes! That’s why this makes me so angry!”

Me: “And… what exactly are you fighting for?”

Classmate: “SO PEOPLE DON’T MAKE CHOICES BASED ON SOMEONE’S GENDER! GOD! ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?”

(The entire class, including teacher, begins laughing hysterically.)

Friend: “Does she realize what she just said?”

Me: “I don’t know, dude. I seriously don’t know.”