Hug Her Until All The Air Comes Out

, , , , , | Working | August 18, 2020

One of my coworkers is twenty and is so insanely sweet and innocent — too innocent sometimes. She doesn’t understand basic common sense. She is also Hispanic.

Coworker: “Oww, my stomach hurts.”

Me: “Are you okay? Upset stomach or heartburn stuff?”

Coworker: “No. It’s just… Well… white people don’t understand it. Only Mexicans do. Whenever I tell white people, they just stare at me funny.”

Me: “Well, I’ve dealt with some weird stuff before, so maybe I’ll be able to help, or at least look up online what you should do. What is it?”

Coworker: “Well… I just… I feel like I got air in my stomach.”

Me: *Pause* “That means you have to burp or fart.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “If the air feels like it’s up high, then you need to burp. If it’s down low, then you need to fart. Just go to the bathroom.”

She leaves with a confused look on her face. A few minutes later, she gets on the radio for the department.

Coworker: “[My Name], YOU’RE A GENIUS!”

To this day, I still wonder how she could be almost twenty-one years old and not be told about her biological functions. And I wish I could say that was the only story I had about her, but there are so many more. You just want to hug her!

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