HR: Human Reproduction?

I’m talking to an HR person about planning my maternity leave.

HR: “Sorry to ask, but you’re definitely pregnant, right?”

Me: “Why would you even ask that? Of course I am!”

HR: “Sorry, sorry, it’s just a few years ago I had a girl who used up all her PTO, and so tried to get extra time off using maternity leave.”

Me: “How does that even happen? What was she going to do when you all realized there was no baby?”

HR: “Oh, you misunderstand. She wasn’t pretending to be pregnant or deceiving anyone; she just genuinely thought that all women got access to maternity leave regardless, and that they could use it whenever they wanted. She just thought pregnant women saved it all for that, but since she never had any intention of getting pregnant, she would just… claim it?”

Me: “Oh, that’s so funny.”

HR: “No, it’s not! I had to tell her that you have to be pregnant to get maternity leave, and she said she’ll “see what she can do”.”

Me: “Did… did she get pregnant?”

HR: “No, she got fired for… well… trying. On company property.”

Me: “Wow. Well, I can assure you, I am pregnant, and it happened off of work premises.”