How To Win The War Against Telemarketers: The Next Generation

(My phone rings and, even though it’s a number I don’t recognize, I answer it, thinking it may be the oral surgeon’s office confirming my appointment. It turns out to be a telemarketer.)

Telemarketer: *in a foreign accent* “Yes, hello! I’m calling with an offer to save you money on your car insurance!”

Me: “I don’t have a car. Even if I did, I wouldn’t make changes to the insurance without first consulting my husband.”

Telemarketer: “May I speak to your husband, then?”

Me: “No, he’s at work and even if he wasn’t he’s happy with his car insurance.”

Telemarketer: “Well—”

Me: “Look, I have a baby that needs to be changed and fed. Bother someone else.” *click*

(After feeding my son, I grab my phone to call my parents and it rings before I can dial. It’s the same number from before. Not wanting to play this game, I accept the call and immediately put the phone on speaker then hold it toward my ten-month-old.)

Telemarketer: “Yes, hello? I—”

(Before he even finishes his greeting, my son starts squealing.)

Son: *at the top of his lungs* “NUH NUH NUH! PA! PA! PAAAAAAA! NUUUUUUHHHHHH!”

Telemarketer: *click*

Me: *pats Son’s head* “Very good. Now let’s call Pawpaw and tell him how we deal with telemarketers.”

(It’s been a week and that number hasn’t called me since. If they do call again, they’ll get an earful of the same.)