How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 6

(My fiance comes in the house on the phone with someone who we assume is a bill collector. He has already been on the phone with the guy for 25 minutes and the bill collector is clearly annoyed, but has yet to hang up. My fiance puts the phone on speaker.)

Bill Collector: “Sir, we just need to verify your name and address.”

Me: “Why do you need his name and address?”

Bill Collector: “We have already been through this. I cannot tell you why until I verify who I am talking to.”

Me: “So, you’re a collection company?”

Bill Collector: “No. I’m from [Collection Company] and I just want to verify an address.”

Me: “It says online that you’re a collection company.”

Bill Collector:“We have a collections department, but I’m not in the collections department.”

Me: “You know we’re on the ‘Do Not Call List,’ right? If you’re not a bill collector then you’re a solicitor and shouldn’t be calling us.”

Bill Collector: “None of this is relevant. We can end this conversation now if you just tell me if you are [Fiancé] and what your address is.”

Me: “Well, you still haven’t told us why you need to know this information.”

Bill Collector: “I told you. I cannot tell you this until I know if I am speaking to [Fiancé].

Me: “Funny. The only legal reason I can think of for you needing to know whether you’re speaking with [Fiancé] is to collect on a bill.”

Bill Collector: *irate* “We’ve been through this. I’m not calling from a collection company. Just tell me if you’re [Fiancé] and what your address is and we’ll be done here.”

Me: “So, you still haven’t told us why you need that information.”

Bill Collector: “Tell you what, I’m going to take you off our list.” *hangs up*

Fiance: *looking at his phone* “33 minutes.”

Me: “I was impressed by his dedication.”