How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 21

(We’ve had a scam call come in almost daily. As the receptionist, I tend to hang up on them, but am getting fed up with the calls. I decide it’s time to have fun the next time the Scam Caller rings in.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Office]. How can I help you?”

Scam Caller: “Your computer is badly infected! You need to -”

Me: “Wait. Who is this?”

Scam Caller: “This is Kevin from Microsoft—”

Me: “KEVIN! How are you, pal? I haven’t heard from you in a while. Microsoft let you work there? How’s that doing for you?”

Scam Caller: “Yes, I am working for Microsoft. Are you near a computer, ma’am?”

Me: “All my life, seems like. So hey, Kevin, how is wife number two? Or are you on three now?”

Scam Caller: *getting irritated* “Yes, if you are near your computer, I need you to—”

Me: “Did you ever get the kids back, by the way? I know you were having some real problems after they busted you for meth. Still selling on the side?”

Scam Caller: “I am not Kevin.”

Me: “You just told me you were.”

Scam Caller: “Yes, my name is Kevin. But I am not your Kevin. If you are near your computer, I need you to please tell me if the computer is on.”

Me: “Wait, so are you Kevin or aren’t you? I’m not getting the joke.”

Scam Caller: *getting louder* “Is your computer on?”

Me: “On meth? Man, I hope not! You can get computers hooked on meth now? When did that start happening? Does it help?”

Scam Caller: *click*

(We never heard from him again after that.)