How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 19

(This happened 20+ years ago, so no caller ID and ignoring calls simply wasn’t an option due to relatives with health issues. We’d started having problems with telemarketers recently, so Mom had taken to some creative means to get them not to call back.)

Mom: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hi, I’m calling from [Company]. Is your mother home?”

Mom: *looks over at my Oma (her mother), who came for coffee and to play with the grandchildren* “Here, Mom. It’s for you.”

Oma: “Hello?”

Oma: “I’m sorry; I don’t think I can help you…”

Oma: “No, I can’t do that…

Oma: “Sorry, you want what? I…”

Oma: “No. You should really speak with my daughter about that.”

Oma: “Well, it’s her house. I’m just visiting.”

(Mom takes the phone back when Oma hands it to her, finding a very irate caller on the other end.)

Telemarketer: “Why didn’t you tell me it was your house? I wasted a lot of time there.”

Mom: “You never asked. You just said you wanted to speak with my mother. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

(Another time, with a different caller who is refusing to take ‘no’ for an answer no matter how many times or how firmly she says it, Mom hands the phone to my two-year-old sister, who loves to talk on the phone.)

Mom: “Here, sweetie. Phone for you.”

Sister: *jabbers happily into the phone*

Telemarketer: *tries to get her to give the phone back to Mom*

Sister: *offers phone to Mom* “Mommy? Phone, Mommy?”

Mom: “No, no, go for it, dear. Tell him about your day. He wants to hear all about it.”

(This continued for a while until he finally gave up and hung up. It didn’t stop everything, but we’d usually get some sort of a break after pulling stunts like this which was why we kept pulling them. Besides, their annoyance was hilarious!)