How To Train Your Boyfriend

(My friends and I go to see ‘The Desolation of Smaug’ in theaters. One of my friends has brought along his girlfriend.)

Smaug: “I am the King Under the Mountain!”

Thorin: “This is not your kingdom!”

Girlfriend: “Ah, don’t feel bad!” *suggestively* “You can rule my kingdom any time, Benedict Cumberbatch!”

Me: “What?”

Girlfriend: “The dragon. He’s voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch.”

Friend: “It’s okay. That’s one of the rules for dating her. I have to accept that, if she ever has the chance, she’ll leave me for Benedict Cumberbatch. In return, I’m allowed to leave her for Megan Fox. It all works out.”